Mayhem in the Mideast

In the past few minutes since this blog's inception, this blog has received hundreds of requests from imaginary people to respond to the ongoing situation of Israeli-Palestinian violence. Always eager to accede to public requests, especially those made by the imaginary public, this blog has prepared the following response:

At the epicenter of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a four-letter word, the uttering of which by a member of either faction is sure to elicit obscene replies.

The word? LAND.

These two peoples have been butting heads over a region slightly larger than New Jersey (and slightly less desireable) for literally thousands of years. The Israelis believe the land belongs to them because according to the Torah, which is Hebrew for "Old Testament," the entire region encompasses the Promised Land. The Palestinians contend that the land is rightfully theirs because after the Jewish diaspora (literally, "Diet Soda,") Arabs took posession of the land without incident until 1948 when the United Nations, eager to plant the seeds for nuclear winter, created the State of Israel for Jews fleeing Europe in the wake of the Holocaust.

Obviously, there can be no simple solution, right?
Wrong.

This blog proposes a very simple solution: a war to end all wars. Israel would have no objections, as the tiny country whomped Palestine in the 1948 war for independence and opened a Nation-sized can of whoop-ass on Palestine, Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Pippen, Rodman, Iraq and several other mammoth, oil-rich weenies. Palestinians wouldn't like it very much, because their terrorist organizations can pulverize innocent civilian shoppers in Israeli malls, but the cowards are no match for the mighty Israeli Army.

The point? Land is a spoil of war. A conquered nation is entitled to...are you ready for this?...NOTHING! Therefore, Israel shouldn't be forced to cede land it secured as the result of an attack on its borders in 1967. I'm sure the Israelis wouldn't object to another war, to settle things once and for all.

This blog knows that the suggestion of a WAR to bring about PEACE is a scosche extreme, but this idea seems all-too feasible when compared with the ludicrous "road map" the U.S., U.N. and European Union are pushing.

Terrorism is an unincluded detour on this outdated road map to nowhere.